I love caulk. It's fabulous for weather sealing and waterproofing things like the edges of bathtubs and sinks. I love loading up a caulk gun and squeezing the stuff out into a perfect bead. Even a not-so-perfect bead, if it happens (and it DOES). I love the POP feeling of puncturing the foil seal for the first time. It's wonderful stuff.
There are, however, certain applications for which it should not be used. For your reference, I will list a few of these things here.
1. Plugging holes in the interior wall.
Okay, so, I know that hole in your plaster (or drywall, or paneling) isn't the prettiest thing in the world. However, filling it in with caulk is NOT the way to go. I promise. You are not adding beauty to the world with your little caulk-plug and your really bad smoothing job. Paint does not hide this fact. The children who cry when they walk into your room might be a clue you've done something untoward.
2. Patching plaster ceilings (or walls, for that matter) after the top coat has fallen off.
You've just finished filling some holes in the wall with caulk, you're all high on caulk fumes and testosterone from gettin' 'er done, and you're walking around wondering to what else you can apply this wondrous, terrific invention, when PLOP, a big chunk of the plaster ceiling's topcoat falls onto your head.
Voice of Reason: What's a homeowner to do!? Research?
Previous owner: Nah, that's for wusses. I've got this here gun, I'll just shoot the nasty scratch coat all up with this fantastic, elastic substance. Oh yeah. No, don't bother with cleaning it, the caulk takes care off all that bothersome stuff.
VoR: Hm. Think you should maybe worry about why the topcoat is falling off?
PO: Aw, shucks, why bother? Caulk's got it fixed, ain't no moisture getting through that.
VoR: Unconvinced, yet resigned, takes a different tack. But.. it doesn't quite MATCH the rest of the ceiling, does it?
PO: I got this here paint.
VoR: That's nice. It still doesn't look quite right.
PO: Aw, hell, who looks at the ceiling anyway! We're done here! Stop nagging me!
VoR: It's the attic, and you shommmph. Previous owner stifles the Voice by filling it with the remainder of his caulk.
PO: Yeah, mighty fine work. Think I'll go bury the patio. Previous owner goes downstairs, slinging the caulk gun over his shoulder.
DON'T DO THIS. Please, for the love of all that is good and nice in the world.
3. Painting.
Caulk is caulk. It is not white (or whatever color your caulk is) paint. Do not use caulk instead of paint. The world, your house, and all of its future occupants thank you for your consideration.
You just have to wonder what those POs really were thinking when they walked away from these jobs. Maybe they were drunk. I hope they were drunk. Please, let them have been drunk. And please please please, follow this list and do not fall into these (apparently) common misuses for caulk.
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